How to release yourself from your own drama

One of my biggest learnings from 2013 was…

Learning how to separate ‘what actually happened’ from the ‘bullshit story’ that my head makes up.

The freedom I have felt from learning this has been IMMENSE.

You see, humans are MEANING-MAKING MACHINES. That’s all we do. Something happens and we wonder, “Why/what does that mean?”. Someone says something and it hits a button and we make it mean something completely off track.

Boy is going out with girl. Boy has an ex girlfriend. Boy and girl are talking about places they have been before. Girl notes the use of the word ‘we’ in boys words.

Boy: Ooh, I’d love to go back to Italy again.
Girl: Oh, you’ve been there before?
Boy: Yep, ‘we’ went there last year for a holiday. ‘We’ had a great time exploring the beautiful towns of the Cinque Terra. I’d love to go back.
Girl: Who’s ‘we’?
Boy: Oh, my ex and I, we went there.
Girl: {hot flush} Oh, do you miss your ex?

Let’s examine this.
‘What actually happened’ = boy referred to a past experience using the word ‘we’. That’s it. That’s all that happened. Anything else you’re thinking is JUST a story.

What actually happened and the story
‘The story’ that the girl made up might go something like this: “Because he is reminiscing about his holiday with his ex, and just flippantly says ‘we’, well, that means that he is still thinking about her…can’t he be more sensitive and not mention her? He’s probably remembering all the hot italian holiday sex they had while eating crusty bread dipped balsamic oil, he probably drizzled it on her and licked it off…oh god, what if he is still in love with her…maybe I’m not good enough…what if he wants to be with her rather than….”

STOP!!!! Ergh! Pass me a cotton bud!!!

That….is ALL STORY. It DID NOT happen. She made it up.

Worse than that, now she sees what he says and her story as THE SAME but he is not privvy and has no idea why she is so upset. Complicated!

So next time you go off your ‘nana about something, see if you’re more upset about your own story than what actually happened. If you can separate the two….you can find a lot more peace from inside your head.

Then, things people say just don’t seem to upset you and they will bounce off you like the resilient teflon coated little thing that you are…

Or as I like to put it GTFOY*!

*Get The F#*k Over Yourself

coach christie signature logo name